


Lucky You

by msbittersweet



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Teen Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msbittersweet/pseuds/msbittersweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has always had bad luck. <br/>When he was a baby, he almost died because he accidentally swallowed a lego piece. When he was three, a  dog attacked him for no reason. When he was four, he fell down the stairs of his house. And when he was six, he met Kendall Knight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucky You

James has the worst luck in the world.

When he was a baby, he almost died because he accidentally swallowed a lego piece. When he was three, a huge dog attacked him for no reason. When he was four, he fell down the long stairs of his house. And when he was six, he met Kendall Knight.

-

James was too busy crying his eyes out and refusing to let go of his mom’s pencil-skirted legs to take notice of a pair of curious eyes watching him from the ‘Drawing Corner’.

James just didn’t want to go to school. He didn’t want to let go of his mom just so she could run off and leave him alone here, with strangers and mean teachers. He wasn’t scared, he just refused to be treated like this. Like an object you could just drop off at some place and come later to pick it up.

… Maybe he was a little scared, but daddy always said big boys like him weren’t supposed to be scared of silly things like first days of school.

The teacher smiled sympathetically at James’s mom while she tried to convince him that school would be fun, and he’d get loads of new friends. Yeah, right.

James abruptly stopped shedding his crocodile tears when a hand tapped him in the shoulder. He turned around, and saw bright green eyes staring at him blankly. James sniffled, let go of his mom and turned around fully to face the kid.

“What?”

The kid smiled at him, a toothless grin that made James forget completely about his mom, who was sneaking off while she could, or the teacher, who was watching them with laughter in her eyes.

“I’m Kendall. Wanna draw with me?”

James, having realized his mother was already gone, begrudgingly accepted.

“Okay.”

And just like that, James’s bad luck turned rotten.

-

Sure, that could be debated, since _because_ of Kendall James got to make his pop star dream come true.

Sure, all his childhood grudges against Kendall seem irrelevant _now_. Like how he got a bruise on his _face_ because Kendall distracted him and someone of the opposing hockey team checked him into the wall. Or when James lost his chance with this really pretty girl, and if you give him a minute he will remember her name, because Kendall wanted to tag along on a double-date. Or when James got suspended because Kendall kept teasing him and they got into a fight. Or when… well, this could go on for some time, and James didn’t really like reminiscing on these particular incidents. Incidents that some people would consider petty compared to his dream coming true.

But, James still has to live with constant heartache, especially now that he literally spends every waking moment with the target of his painful unrequited love.

And yeah, maybe it’s not really fair to blame James’s feeling on Kendall but it would be of great help if Kendall stopped being so oblivious, noticed James and just finally tell him ‘No, I’m sorry James, but this can’t happen. We can still be friends though!’ and be done with it.

Because James had already convinced himself that there was no possibility of Kendall not rejecting him. He even made a list of why not:

One, James has a dick, which he’s very fond of.

Two, Kendall doesn’t like dicks.

Three, Kendall had Jo.

So, yeah. There it was. No fairytale true love for James. At least not right now, not until he moved on from Kendall. Which seemed positively impossible now that they were actually living together and _sharing a freaking room._ Singing together, dancing together, living his dream together.

And even though James is good at hiding behind sarcasm and jokes, sometimes he gets tired. Now more so than usual, because even though James is doing what he’s best at with his three best friends, his feelings have reached some sort of peak, and he’s scared, he’s terrified. _All the time._

He snaps out of it pretty quickly though because that’s silly, James won’t let a little crush ruin his whole Hollywood experience.

Not when he could rely on his three good luck charms.  Three best friends he can lean on, watch chick flicks and binge on junk food with.

For all of the bad luck Kendall brings him, Carlos, Logan and Camille are there to counter it.

Kind of like right now.

The four of them are huddled together in 2J’s couch, playing video games and eating pie. James has Carlos on one side, Camille on his other and Logan next to her, all wrapped up in a cozy pie-crumbs covered blanket.

“Ha! I’m beating all your asses. I’m the Ki- Camille!”

“Sorry Logan, you snooze you lose.”

James can’t keep the grin off his face. He’d been sitting alone on this couch just half an hour ago (Kendall had a date with Jo, and James liked to contemplate his miserable life on nights like this), when Camille had stomped right in (no knocking, ‘cause you don’t knock on 2J’s door) carrying four pies, and with Logan and Carlos right behind, marching like her little soldiers.

James had laughed at the sight, feeling a little less down as soon as they walked in, Camille placing the pies at the coffee table, Carlos taking a seat next to James and giving him his helmet, and Logan choosing the video game.

James laughs as Camille beats Logan again, resting his head on her shoulder and taking a bite off his pie while simultaneously clicking on the game controller.

That’s how Kendall finds them when he walks through the door. He’s slumped, his head bowed in an exaggerated display of melancholy, and he looks up slowly before freezing. Kendall’s face gets carefully blank, and James can feel a sort of tension building.

“Hey, guys… whatcha doing?”

Carlos speaks up.

“We’re eating pie and playing video games.”

“Oh.”

This monotone response is met with a strangely uncomfortable silence.

Camille, taking notice of the tension, kisses James on his head and stands up, announcing that it’s time for her to go. Once the door clicks shut behind her, Logan breaks the silence.

“Why are you back so early?”

Kendall’s shoulders go back to slumping, the weird tension having disappeared.

“Jo cancelled on me, said she had an emergency meeting with her manager.”

“I’m sorry, Kendall, y-” but Carlos beat him to it.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it! Even though your relationship with Jo will inevitably end because of situations like this one, you’ll always have us!”

“Carlos!”

Carlos scrunches up his face in confusion, before realizing what he just said.

“Sorry.”

“He’s right, though. Come one, help us finish the pie.”

Kendall smiles at Logan, and sits down next to him. The four of them squished together on the couch, ignoring all the extra space, and Carlos hits resume on the game.

James really likes this. He loves Camille, but _this?_ The four of them, just like back in Minnesota, when they were four hockey players? It feels perfect.

-

James is happy.

Things are getting better.

There’s still the singing and dancing and discussions of concerts and CD releases. And he’s getting used to it, to his life becoming his greatest dream plus three.

He’s also getting used to Kendall in LA. Though there’re still rough days. Days when James would be squished into a sound booth with Kendall next to him, singing love songs and wanting so badly, so painfully. Or when James would come back to 2J late, and find Kendall on James’s bed, tangled up in his sheets. James would want so badly to just crawl in and soak up Kendall’s warmth.

Still, things are getting a lot better than they were at the beginning of their move.

-

But of course something had to ruin it. Of course Jo had to leave. Pack her bags and fly away.

Not that it’s Jo’s fault (because nothing’s ever her fucking fault) it’s not like Jo could’ve just ignored the movie deal. It’s not like Jo could’ve stayed and kept having goodbye kisses with Kendall and kept being her perfect self.

But those are useless thoughts because Jo’s gone now and Kendall’s still crying on the couch and James, Carlos and Logan are still trying to cheer him up.

At least the song helped. Somewhat.

-

James opens the door to his home, back from helping Camille out with a script, and goes straight to his room, pretty tired.

But when he opens the door and some light streams in, it reveals Kendall lying face down on James’s bed (James is starting to wonder what’s up with that), completely still.

“Um, Kendall?”

A loud groan makes James flinch, because Kendall isn’t supposed to still be doing that.

“Hey! What’s up?” Kendall just squirms further into the bed.

“Wanna go down to the pool?” There is the distinct sound of a muffle moan.

“How about a movie, yeah?”

All he gets this time is a pained whimper.

“Oh, I know! We could go get some smoothies, and you can have the pink one.”

Silence follows this proposal, and James feels his lips twitch in a smile. But then Kendall just wiggles a little, and huffs, as if saying that he isn’t willing to get up and about for a smoothie, not today.

James sighs in pity, but doesn’t let Kendall hear him. Kendall hates pity, and right now, he’s being petulant, probably looking for a fight and James won’t give him one.

“Alright, just stay there. I’ll be right back.”

James runs down to the lobby and across the street to the ‘smoothie’s place’ (one day James will bother to remember the name) and runs back to the Palmswood. He pauses to wave at Logan and Carlos before resuming his sprint back to Kendall.

James barges into his room to find Kendall in the exact same place.

“Kendall? I bought smoothies and I chose a movie. Come on, watch it with me.”

James doesn’t wait for a response as he prepares the popcorn and movie. When he takes the popcorn out of the microwave and turns around, he laughs because Kendall is now lying face down on the couch.

James quickly presses play and sits down next to Kendall’s limp form with the popcorn on one hand, and the two smoothies on his other hand.

Kendall slowly sits up, and takes the offered pink smoothie from James’s hand.

“Hey, James?”

James raises his eyebrows at Kendall in a silent question. Kendall looks at him for a moment before turning down to fiddle with the plastic cup in his hands.

“Thanks.”

James smiles wide, eyes bright and blush rising. His response is to settle down close to Kendall and turn the volume up on the movie.

-

They are halfway through the movie when James’s phone vibrates on the coffee table. James picks it up and opens it, bright light illuminating the dark room.

“What is it?” Kendall looks on curiously as James laughs and starts jumping around on his seat.

“It’s Camille, she got a call-back for an acting job! Wow, I’m so proud of her, she’s a great actress. I don’t understand why she doesn’t get more parts. Or well… I do. She can get a little carried away sometimes. But still!”

James looks at Kendall expectantly, smile so big his gums are showing.

“That’s great. Good for her.”

James just smiles bigger and sends a text back. Once he sees her, he’ll properly congratulate her.

“So… I didn’t know you were so close to Camille.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome. And awesome people should get together and be friends.”

James sends Kendall a cocky grin, but Kendall is still staring at his empty smoothie. Maybe he wants some more.

“You guys going out?”

The question takes James by surprise, and he can’t help the short incredulous laugh.

“What? No, of course not, we’re just friends. Plus, she’s got that thing with Logan, I’d be a shitty friend to come between that.”

“Yeah. You would be.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Hm? Oh, just wondering.”

James isn’t stupid, he knows when Kendall’s lying.

“Kendall.”

Kendall still doesn’t look at James but with a tired sigh he explains.

“It’s just… I kept seeing, well, you’ve just been spending a lot of time with her, and you’re always talking about her and doing things together, and I kinda thought you were, you know, that you _liked_ likedher. And I was worried about you, and Logan and Camille. If it would turn into some kind of love triangle or something.”

Kendall finally lifts his gaze and looks at James, who’s gaping at him, eyes unblinking.

“Well?”

James bursts out laughing, as if it’s been forced out of him, rough loud guffaws that make Kendall twitch in irritation.

“What the hell are you laughing at?”

That just makes James double over and laugh harder, clutching at his midside and taking in big gulps of air.

“Shut up!”

When that makes no difference, Kendall pushes James and he falls off the couch, hitting his shoulder on the coffee table and getting stuck between it and the couch. Still, he doesn’t stop laughing.

He feels more than sees, because his eyes are pinched closed in mirth, when Kendall leans over him.

“Dude, _shut up._ ”

James can’t stop laughing. Camille and him? If only.

“I will _slap you_ if you don’t stop laughing at me. I’m serious, James. Stop, goddamn it.”

One minute James is trying to catch his breath from laughing too much, and the next he’s getting it knocked out of him by Kendall’s weight falling on top of him.

A stifling silence falls on them and when James dares open his eyes, he sees Kendall’s just a few inches from his. He can feel how they share breaths, can feel Kendall’s hands on his shoulders and how the lengths of their bodies are pressed tightly together.

James immediately goes tense, but it’s too late. He was cut off guard.

 “Ow, sorry.” Kendall laughs quietly, apparently amused by their embarrassing position, not having taken note of James’s mortification.

Mortification caused by the fact that James has his head in Kendall’s neck, lips accidentally brushing warm skin, hands unconsciously coming to rest on Kendall’s hips, the tips of his fingers teasing the hem of Kendall’s shirt.

“You okay…”

As Kendall trails off James finally snaps into focus. Kendall is looking at him, expression turning slowly into one of shock.

Shit. He noticed.

“I’m fine. Listen, I need to go now. I have an acting audition and well, you know, can’t be late for those. Have a nice day.”

James babbles on as he shoves Kendall off of him a little roughly and stands up. He slams the door shut behind him and runs over to the only place he can properly freak out without feeling self-conscious.

-

“Shit, Camille. _Fuck._ ”

Camille’s a little surprised when she opens her door to find James panting and swearing. James never cursed, he said it wasn’t proper for beautiful people to swear.

“James, come inside.”

Camille ushers James inside and sits him down on her living room couch. James slumps over and turns to look at her, devastated and defeated.

“Oh, James. It happened didn’t it? He found out.”

James crushes Camille against him and hides his face in her neck. He doesn’t make a sound, but he knows he’s soaking Camille’s shirt.

They don’t say anything for minutes, just Camille holding James together and James holding on to her like an anchor.

He’s just so _angry._ At himself, at the stupidity of what just happened, and at Kendall.

_Years._ Years James had managed to hide and divert attention, had managed to keep it a secret, had managed to be in love and still be friends. And now, just because of a stupid accident, it was all over.

James hadn’t realized just how awful it would feel. He had contemplated what would happen when Kendall found out, because it was bound to happen sometime. He figured that it’d be a lifted weight off his shoulders, he figured they’d be uncomfortable around each other for some time but eventually go back to being best friends.

Now James isn’t sure.

-

Stealth had never been much of a skill for James, but avoidance was.

It’s been four days and not once has Kendall seen James, or talked to him or even caught a glimpse of him. He is that good.

But Logan knows that this will come to an end pretty soon. Eventually, Kendall will grow the balls to confront James, and James will stop trying to stop that from happening.

Logan sighs and shakes his head because it was a boner, it happens, even between best male friends. And yes, sometimes they mean something but sometimes they don’t and if only James and Kendall would stop being idiots and move on or do something then everything can go back to being easy.

-

James flinches at his inevitable defeat.

He’d been watching some TV, trying to distract himself from the churning nerves eating him alive when Kendall finally decided to confront him.

“I know.”

Kendall looks at James, slumped on the couch with his face hidden beneath his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Kendall had prepared himself for this, but he still doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it. He takes a deep breath and sits down next to James on the couch.

“You have feelings for me.”

It isn’t a question, but has the hesitancy of one.

James wants to scoff. Feelings? No, unfortunately, it was far more than simply _feelings_.

“Yeah, I do.”

A pregnant silence falls, making the small space between them on the couch seem like a much greater distance.

James, however, refuses to say anything. Partly because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself any further, and also because he doesn’t know what the hell to say, anyways.

Kendall’s the first to break the heavy silence.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Kendall’s voice cracks and James finally takes pity on Kendall. James looks up with a small smile, or what managed to come through his nerves and fear.

“You don’t have to do anything, it’s my problem. Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.”

“But James-”

Kendall’s voice is rising and a glint comes to his eyes. James knows Kendall is going into full rant mode, and he doesn’t really have time for Kendall to rant, doesn’t want to have time.

“It’s okay, you’re still my best friend, Kendall, nothing will change that, alright?”

James can’t believe how much bullshit his mouth manages to spew, but it seems to be helping him at the moment.

Kendall’s eyebrows pinch together, but he nods anyways.

James gives him a reassuring smile, even though his clenched hands are shaking.

-

Carlos doesn’t want to think about it, but he can’t help it.

Things are just worsening by the day, and he wants to do something. Wants so badly to fix this somehow. But Logan told him to stay out of it. And he’s right, Logan is always right.

This was between James and Kendall and no one else.

But seeing how they are both slowly decaying terrifies Carlos. James, who shone bright and so loud with his confidence, who laughed and dance and wrestled was nothing but a dull copy of what he used to be. And Kendall, who was made out of fire and courage, of love and strenght was reduced to awkward smiles and dark eyes.

Carlos knows nothing could ever break the four of them apart, but he fears this could make a crack.

-

That crack came sooner rather than later.

As soon as he woke up, James could tell that this was going to be one of _those_ days. The kind that makes you look at everything in darker hues, that has your skin itching for a fight. James hates these kinds of days, they make him act like a total dick and then profoundly regret everything later.

Unfortunately, opportunities for James to ruin shit are popping up everywhere today. He almost told Logan to stop being such a coward and do something about Camille or he will. It was at the very tip of his tongue, even if he didn’t mean a word. When Carlos made an off-hand comment about not getting a date James almost said that if he kept acting like such an idiot he never will.

After noticing that his hands were tingling from having them clenched for so long, James decides that maybe being alone would be for the best.

And of course, because honestly James should’ve seen this one coming, Kendall is there.

James stopped abruptly after slamming the door to his room open and seeing Kendall there, in _his goddamn bed_ what the fuck, lazily playing with the guitar. And Kendall just looks up and smiles at him, like it’s nothing, like nothing’s wrong with that. With any of this.

God, James is so fucking pissed off.

“Hey dude, check this out, I’ve been working on this new song. I’m thinking maybe we could sneak it in past Gustavo and into our next album. And ma-“

“Honestly, Kendall, shut the fuck up.”

It kind of slips out, but Kendall’s face is worth it. James snatches his iPod and earphones from their place next to Kendall, manages to send him a violent sneer before turning away and laying down in Kendall’s sheets, turning his back to Kendall.

James refuses to driven out of his own room. He faintly hears Kendall talking at him as he turns the volume to maximum on his IPod. Yeah, he’s being incredibly childish, but he can afford to.

James thinks he manages about half a minute of peace before two rough hands are yanking his earphones out and turning him around. James doesn’t let Kendall speak before he’s shoving him away, a curse ready to be spit. He’s blood’s been boiling since he woke up, and Kendall’s just feeding that fire.

James isn’t sure who makes the first move, but in the next second he’s tumbling around with Kendall in the bed, both trying to get the upper hand. It’s a dirty, childish fight, born out of irrational irritation. Kendall pulls at James’s hair, taking a bunch of strands with him, James leaves a bite mark in Kendall’s bicep as retaliation.

There’s a lot of scratching and kicking in vulnerable places for a long while but eventually James loses focus because of Kendall’s dangerously close knee to his groin. Kendall takes advantage and forcibly pins James down, immobilizing his wrists and legs. They stay like that for a moment, chests heaving and breaths mixing, their eyes connecting through the small space left between them.

James doesn’t know what he expected, but he recognizes that look in Kendall’s eyes, knows what it means and what it intends. For one paralyzing moment, James is terrified that he’ll let Kendall do it. But as he sees him start to lean down, James turns his head away and feels Kendall freeze above him.

“ _Get off of me_.”

Whatever daze Kendall was in breaks, and his hands tighten painfully on James’s wrists.

“Why are you being such an _asshole_?”

James lets out on bark of incredulous laughter. Kendall can be such an idiot, sometimes. When he whips his head around he sees Kendall flinch backwards a little, despite his apparent _indignant_ anger.

“Why do you think, dumbass?”

James whispers, letting the quiet of the room efficiently carry his words, let them hang between them, as dark as a threat.

Kendall has the audacity of looking confused.

“ _God,_ I don’t know how you do it. How you can choose what to see and what not to. Even after you caught me _hard_ with you on top of me.”

Kendall jolts at James’s vicious words. He scrambles of off him, but James has already started and he’s going to finish. He sits up and forces his gaze on Kendall, whose sitting there dumbly on the bed, leaning backwards on his hands as if afraid to stay too close.

“I’m not okay. I feel like shit almost every day, been feeling like that since we moved to LA. I know I told you things would be fine but they’re obviously _not_.”

Kendall eyes widen, almost in panic.

“James, calm down. I didn’t know things were this bad, but they don’t have to be, okay? We can work something out!”

James shakes his head. No, they can’t. He takes one breath in and says the words he’s been scared of acknowledging.

“I don’t think I can keep doing this. I don’t think I can stay in this band without breaking.”

Kendall’s sharp breath echoes in the room and James can’t help but feel a sick sort of satisfaction at that. But what he said is true, James has been feeling stretched thin and on the edge for a long time now.

James doesn’t try stopping Kendall when he crawls close and grips his shoulders, a desperate strength bruising his fingers into James’s skin.

“Don’t say that, James, please don’t.”

James scoffs.

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“But this is your dream, we’re all here because of you. You can’t give this up.”

“Yeah? Well my dream never involved feeling like _this_ all the time. I feel beat up and tired and sad and…”

James sighs deeply. He hadn’t realized how true that was, he’s been trying to ignore it and push it down. He flinches a little at how Kendall’s grip tightens.

“I… I can fix this, I can… I can make it stop hurting, just let me.”

“No. No, you can’t. I’m not saying this to guilt you into anything, I-”

James isn’t stupid and he isn’t slow, contrary to popular belief. So when Kendall slams his lips with James’s there’s no standing there in shock for the better half of the kiss, like in all those chick flicks where the girl finally melts into it.

As soon as James feels Kendall’s touch, he pushes Kendall back roughly, making him stumble out of the bed and fall flat on his ass. James’s instantaneous rage subsides as he looks at Kendall. He just sits there, with his head bowed and his chin trembling.

He lets the silence sit as he collects and steels himself before he speaks.

“Don’t do that. Not if you don’t mean it.”

James almost doesn’t hear what Kendall says next.

“I do.”

“What?”

“I do mean it.”

James is almost too tired to get mad again, all the energy he once had has been drained out of him.

“ _I’m serious about this_ , Kendall.”

Kendall abruptly stands up, his face open and wide with a sort of passion and energy James is a little scared of.

“Listen, okay? Just listen and don’t talk.”

Kendall looks at him, waiting for confirmation. James nods cautiously, even though he just wants this conversation over as soon as possible. Kendall waits another beat before continuing.

“After what happened that day,” there’s really no need to specify, the mortification of it still burns a blush in James’s cheeks every time he’s reminded, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about _you_.”

Kendall’s wringing his hands together and darting his eyes all around the room. This is starting to sound suspiciously like something James never considered hearing from Kendall. It’s making his heart race and hands sweat.

“It made me realize some things, James, things that I never noticed because they’ve always _been_ there. I was too stupid to see that what I feel for you isn’t friendship. What I _want_ with you isn’t just friendship.”

There’s this faint ringing in James’s ears and for some unexplainable reason it’s the only thing he can focus on. Never mind everything Kendall’s just said, never mind the fact that James is pretty sure this huge dark, weight has just been lifted and replaced by a warmer, lighter one.

“James? Please say something.”

He will, just as soon as he remembers how.

This is too much. This is too much and all at once. James can’t take this kind of pressure.

He feels Kendall take a sit next to him, very close to him, his whole body pressed to James’s. It feels nice. James doesn’t move, but he still can’t really talk. Kendall just waits for him, he doesn’t say anything else and he barely moves.

A long time passes; a long time passes before James is able to gather his thoughts. He sees Kendall jolt when he finally starts speaking.

“Why… why now? Are you even sure about this?”

Kendall’s hands grip his face and he leans so close that if James breathes in he can almost taste it and he gets a little distracted by the bright green of Kendall’s eyes.

“I’m sorry I took so long, James. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.”

This time, when Kendall’s lips meet his, James doesn’t push him away. This time he brings him closer, brings him so close it gets hard to breathe. This time he holds on and let himself drown in Kendall. This time he runs his tongue across Kendall’s teeth and memorizes the feel and taste of the inside of his mouth.

When they part, their lips slowly unsticking and hands in hair cautiously unclenching and eyes blinking open, they stay like that. They don’t move and they don’t break the silece, they just stare at each other and regain their breath. It’d be awkward with anyone else, by now James would be running his mouth about stupid things just to distract himself. But this is Kendall and the fact that James just kissed him has his body tingling and stomach fluttering.

“So. It’s you and me now, right? Just you and me?”

It almost doesn’t make sense but James has been listening to Kendall’s nonsense since he was six. He knows what Kendall means and his cheeks burn form the stretch of his ridiculous smile.

“Yeah.”

-

James thinks it’s safe to say that luck is on his side now.


End file.
